A small note to you

I guess I’ll just start with the fact that I love you. I love you more than anything that exists, or that I can possibly imagine. I love you more than anyone else besides us can fathom. Sometimes, I think, more than you can even comprehend.

I know we have our problems. I know that I’m confusing and hard to satisfy. I know I’m emotional, sensitive, not trusting, irrational, and I always feel like I have to be right. I know I’m a lot to deal with.

The truth is, we both are… But believe it or not, I feel like that’s what makes us so great together. We’ve both found someone who will stick with us regardless of how difficult we can be. We always find a way to work through it.

Sometimes, though, I feel that you don’t get the reasons behind the things that I do and say. I wish you’d understand that I’m never trying to hurt you. I’m not trying to restrain, change, or make you something that you’re not. I care for you far too much to ever purposefully do something to harm you or take away your independence. After all, that person is the one I fell in love with, why would I want to? You’re perfect how you are. You’re honestly the only thing that matters to me — and that’s not an exaggeration.

I don’t want to watch you hurt yourself, though. It’s torture. What hurts you, hurts me. I’m not going to remove everything from your life that you enjoy, though… No matter how much I hate it or how much harm it does to your health. All I can do is compromise and hope that you still love me enough to try for me. I don’t want to change you, but I want to keep you safe. I want to keep you around as long as I possibly can. I know that’s selfish, but I can’t help it. I hope you understand that. Maybe not now, but someday.

I want you to be happy. I want to be happy, too. Sometimes I think you’d be better with someone else more crazy, less rational, more fun…

I haven’t meant to hurt you, but I know I have. If there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I can be cruel. I can make my words cut deep. I aim to damage. That’s not how it is with you, though… And that, among another things, is one of the reasons I know that I love you. I can never bring myself to unload on you in that way.

You’ve honestly saved me. You’ve saved my life, and you’ve saved me from myself. You’ve taught me so much about who I am… I’m so grateful to you for everything. You think you’re a screw-up and that you always make me angry… But you are truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.

You’re the best friend and best partner I could have ever hoped for. I used to want to take my life — to just stop existing. There was nothing worth it for me that I could think of. But I’m so unbelievably grateful that God, or whoever, brought us together so young… I get to spend my whole life with you now, and I love that. I love that you and I are here together.

There’s no one else that I want— I need you to know that, and believe it. No matter how tall, handsome, toned, perfect… whatever. They’re not you, and they never will be. Ever. As long as you still want me, I’m yours. I promise you that, because I need you.

I don’t love you because I need you, I need you because I love you. <3